If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
