She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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