last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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