True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
