My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i think my cat just said my name.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
