Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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