i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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