2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
