Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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