i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
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I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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