Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
