Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
