If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I touched a dick in church today
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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