there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
