I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
