Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize