Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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