my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
