Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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