he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
