It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He shit in the fireplace
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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