Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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