I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
