You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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