he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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