I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
