dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
