I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
