He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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