doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
