Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
