i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
