I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
