so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
