just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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