if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
