so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
