Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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