I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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