I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
