you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
