oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
