she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
