why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
