He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we're making bets on your personal life
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
