You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
