He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
