White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
