I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
