Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She told me I should be a condom model.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
