Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
