a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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