it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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