Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
