So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
