Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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