We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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