it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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