Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
