You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
