HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
