Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
