there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
