You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
