"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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