Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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