Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize