yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
