I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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