she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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