he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
