Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
