matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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