Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
